The Birds and the Bees
by Anglerfish
Summary: Kyoya, where do babies come from?" TamakixKyoya fluff. Oneshot


**A.N.: I was reading a part in _Ouran _where Kyoya and Tamaki refer to each other as Mommy and Daddy, and, for some reason, the classic beginning to The Talk—"When a mommy and daddy love each other very much..."—randomly came to mind. Of course I had to turn that into fanfiction.**

Kyoya glanced up from his book to look at Tamaki again. He'd invited Tamaki—well, actually, Tamaki had invited himself—over to his house after school to study for an important test they had the next day, but Tamaki didn't seem to be doing any studying. For the last ten minutes, he'd been staring off into space, looking like he was thinking hard about something.

Kyoya couldn't help looking at him every so often, wondering what was on his mind but mostly—he hated to admit it—gazing at his face. He knew that Tamaki was beautiful, by anyone's standard, which _might_be a plausible reason for Kyoya to always be staring at him—but that didn't explain why being around Tamaki made him so inexplicably happy, or why his heart pounded whenever Tamaki happened to touch him. That was something that Kyoya didn't like to think about.

Tamaki blinked suddenly, looking like he was waking up from a deep sleep, and turned his head, meeting Kyoya's eyes. He smiled at him.

"You haven't looked at your book once," Kyoya said rather brusquely, irritated that he'd been caught staring. "What have you been thinking about all this time?"

"Well, one of my customers told me today that her mom is going to have a baby," Tamaki said cheerfully. "Isn't that wonderful? I love babies. They're so cute and cuddly and—"

"You were thinking about babies for ten minutes?"

"Sort of. I've been wondering about something for awhile, and that reminded me of it, so I was trying to figure it out…it still doesn't make sense to me. Could you tell me?"

"Sure," Kyoya said. He was used to Tamaki's incessant questions, and no matter how hard he tried to convince himself that they were annoying, he never really succeeded. "What is it?"

"Where do babies come from?"

Kyoya just barely managed to keep his mouth from dropping open. That was the absolute _last_thing he'd expected. Tamaki was _seventeen_, for God's sake, and had almost every girl in the school after him…how could he _not_ know?

Inexplicably, Kyoya felt rather happy—Tamaki had clearly never been in a real relationship with a girl. It shouldn't have made him feel that way, so he tried to suppress the feeling, but found that he couldn't.

"My mom said that a stork brought babies," Tamaki added, "and I used to believe her, but I don't think that makes sense anymore. That's not true, is it?"

"No…that's not true," Kyoya managed. He was still in shock (and still trying to tell himself that he didn't care whether Tamaki had a girlfriend or not).

"Then where _do _babies come from?"

Kyoya knew from experience that he couldn't just not answer one of Tamaki's questions. Tamaki would bother him constantly about it, asking over and over again and begging him to tell him. Kyoya had no choice but to answer, if he wanted to keep his sanity. And anyway, every parent had to go through this for each of their children…it couldn't be _too_ hard, could it?

He took a deep breath. "Well, when a mommy and daddy love each other very much…"

"A mommy and daddy?" Tamaki smiled. "Like you and me!"

"Uh, well, no. _Not_ like you and me. Anyway—"

"But you're the mom and I'm the dad! And you love me, don't you?"

Kyoya looked at Tamaki's wide, hopeful eyes, and sighed. "Yes, Tamaki. I love you."

The really irritating thing was that, when he said it, it didn't feel like a lie.

"Yay! I love you too, Kyoya!" Tamaki hugged him. Kyoya hated how nice it felt having Tamaki's arms around him, and hearing Tamaki tell him that he loved him. "I know! Let's have a baby!"

"That wouldn't work," Kyoya said, trying to be patient (it turned out that this was _very _hard, and being so close to Tamaki was rather distracting), "because before they can have a baby, a mommy and a daddy have to…they have to…"

How could he explain this?

"Have to what?" Tamaki asked. He still had one arm around Kyoya. "Whatever it is, we can do it!"

Kyoya could feel his cheeks flush at the thought of him and Tamaki doing…that. He was furious with himself. Kyoya Ootori did not blush, dammit. And he definitely did not have dirty thoughts involving his best friend—his best _male _friend.

"I'd like to have a baby," Tamaki continued. "Then Haruhi could have a little brother or sister. I'm a good father, don't you think? I think so. And you're the best mommy in the world. So what do we have to do? Oh, I know! We have to get married, don't we?"

"Actually…no, that's not a requirement…" How the _hell_could he explain this? Well, looking on the bright side, at least Tamaki wasn't going to make them get married.

"Oh, okay. Wait, I think I have it now! We have to kiss!"

Before Kyoya could protest, Tamaki cupped his face in his hands and kissed him, right on the mouth.

And Kyoya liked it.

No—he loved it.

And, even though he definitely didn't mean to, he found himself kissing Tamaki back.

Tamaki seemed to be enjoying it too, because at least two or three minutes passed before he pulled away rather reluctantly.

"Is that all we have to do?" he asked. "Or…should I kiss you again?"

The way he leaned toward Kyoya, his lips slightly parted, implied that he wouldn't really mind doing so.

"No…that's not it either," Kyoya said slowly, rather dazed from the kiss. "There's something else…"

"Okay then! What is it?"

Kyoya just looked for a moment at Tamaki's beautiful, beaming face and the loving look in his eyes. He tried to tell himself that he only wanted to be with Tamaki because of what it would mean for the Host Club—girls would go crazy over it, the popularity of the club would more than triple, and money would, of course, come pouring in. That was how he would explain it to the rest of the Host Club.

But he knew that wasn't really it, and he realized for the first time what he truly felt for Tamaki…and that Tamaki felt the same about him.

"What else do we have to do?" Tamaki asked again, and Kyoya smiled.

"Come up to my bedroom," he said, taking his hand, "and I'll show you."


End file.
